This is exactly what it says on the tin. It is crystal healing for computers when things like prayer, Stack Overflow, rebooting or hitting just aren’t enough. This is not a replacement for actual treatment but more so something you can run parallel.
How it works
According to Askinosie (2020), crystal healing harnesses various elements from the earth, universe, and any other cosmic entities. They send out vibes (also known as ‘energies’) and these vibes have a certain frequency and what happens when they’re in the proximity of your device is that they ‘vibe check it’, bringing the struggling device past blockages and problems whilst aiding in recovery and morale.
Though contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t actually work on humans because humans are mostly water and therefore don’t really have the vibes. But computers are made with various plastics (plastic is made from oil which, in turn, is made from organic matter), elements, and metals and so are filled with vibes. This isn’t part of your computer but if you have an LCD monitor, it’ll use crystals to show off the lovely graphical interfaces of your computer.
They literally have their own currents and their own magnetic fields.
Safety
Among all of this, I would like to remind you to be careful about what you do with these crystals. It is a good idea not to put anything inside the casings of your laptop or in your computer.
It is a good idea to be wary of anything relating to magnets and also to be very wary of static energy. So don’t open your computer for your crystal healing, only for repairs and cleaning.
And concerning the stones themselves, I have much experience with trawling hippie stores at markets for stones of my own. And one thing I saw there was them selling Cinnabar and handling it without gloves. This is actually something worth taking seriously since Cinnabar is actually toxic and works as mercury ore. So if it has mercury in it, please keep it contained. Same goes with Malachite. Don’t put it in your mouth or anything.
Do your research before you buy and don’t do anything stupid.
How to make it work
Now that you have your auxiliary vibes through your crystals and stones, now you must add your intentions. You may have been adding intentions in the past but now with the crystals, you’re giving it that extra oomph.
You need your crystals and then you need to imbue them. Some of them will already be naturally imbued like fossils but others need extra vibes. There are many ways you can do this which include but are not limited to:
- Charge them in the sun or under the full moon.
- Blast them with appropriate music. This can be anything from classical music to techno to video game soundtracks to heavy metal. We do have music for sending good vibes to entities like plants but to my knowledge, nothing for computers yet so you will have to make do. But I do recommend this track, Diosofo (Death Cult Yoga) by Brdrml or this playlist.
- Bury them in a hole for a bit (no more than a day). Though do take note of where you buried them and make sure to remove any dirt or dust before putting them in the orbit of your sick device.
- Reading it or playing it transhumanist books or anything cosmic horror. Something like Meltdown by Nick Land might be able to help. This will also help to inspire your computer.
- Placing the crystal in something like a clean frying pan or pot which is not in use.
Once you’ve done that, take a deep breath and place it on or near your device while clearly stating your intention like “please make my fan work” or “please stop making my game crash when I try to open it”.
You can combine multiple crystals for complex problems or to solve more than one problem.
The right approach
Aside from all the stuff about intention and vibes, you also have to remember to treat your computer like another being. Like an inanimate pet that might not be able to talk back to you but might be struck down with a malady or two.
And just like a living being, its problems and moods will be fickle and ephemeral; changing like the tides. So be kind to it and be respectful.
You will notice I mentioned hitting my computer. By this, I mean more so a firm smack to whatever is ailing in case things are misaligned. I do not recommend you go around slapping and smacking your computer.
I also do not recommend using the approach of fear. I’ve heard people telling me that they like to find their largest hammer, present it to the computer, go “here look at this buddy”, and then place the hammer down next to the computer. The goal of this is to scare the computer into working, trying to either impart the fear that life-threatening events might impart on us or it works as ‘punishment’/’retribution’ which is not an effective way to treat or correct the behaviour of anyone or anything, whether it be a child, a pet, a person, or a computer.
Among many things, the promise of punishment is ineffective because it becomes a distraction and fills whoever with fantasies of revenge and vengeance (E. Mazlish & Faber, 2002). It strips whatever it may of the permission to reflect on their behaviour, the inner process of facing what they’ve done (E. Mazlish & Faber, 2002). Your computer will only think about the hammer and not whatever it actually needs to be doing.
Add to this that the computer is not wholly to blame for whatever is happening. There are many things which can go wrong and you might be some of those reasons. So do not punish your computer for what middle-aged people call a ‘PEBCAK’ error.
10 essential crystals for healing
1: Quartz
Abilities: clarity
Areas: monitors, GUIs, RAM, GPU
Alternative stones you can use: obsidian (snowflake obsidian won’t work though).
Good companions: Picture Jasper.
If you’re having problems with anything visual like a malfunctioning monitor, if your GPU is being bottlenecked or if things are glitching; something like quartz might be able to aid you. So in short, it’s great if you’re trying to play Elden Ring on PC.
2: Amethyst
Abilities: stability
Areas: bad aim, crashing software, blue screens of death, spaghetti code.
Good companions: Crystal Meth, Agate, or Copper. You can also use relevant audio of booting sounds to charge your relevant crystals.
This might be what you need to help you aim better if you keep missing in games or if you’re struggling to draw. It can also aid you by vibe-checking the mess of spaghetti code you are working on or actual malfunctioning software and/or hardware.
Though apparently, it’s a bad idea to leave quartz in the sun for long as it might affect the trace minerals which give the stone its colours.
3: Crystal Meth
Abilities: speed
Areas: RAM, CPU, slow loading times, bad internet/ping, and so on.
Alternative stones you can use: Agate (any variety will do) or Copper.
It’s not advised that you ingest this crystal (unless it’s prescribed Adderall) but instead, place some of it near your device to aid with lagging in any departments. Whether that be internet problems/ping problems or whether it’s due to issues with RAM and/or bloatware.
Please also be careful when obtaining this crystal as it is a restricted substance and highly illegal in most countries.
4: Cat’s Eye
Abilities: protection
Areas: operational security, protection from malware, protection from corruption of data, protection from Google/Facebook/Microsoft.
Alternative stones you can use: Black Tourmaline or seashells.
Good companions: picture jasper and turquoise.
Along with your anti-virus’ and backups, you can use these stones for the protection of your data and information. Though it is important for me to repeat that this crystal healing shouldn’t be used as an alternative to proper vaccines, so make sure your computer has all its vaccines up to date. This includes anti-virus software, your software is up-to-date, and that you’ve implemented all other security options you can.
5: Picture Jasper
Abilities: clears pollutants and toxins
Areas: recovery from malware, protection from dust or anything else, or issues with your fan.
Good companions: Cat’s Eye, Black Tourmaline, Cherry Quartz (healing) or seashells.
This pretty caramel-coloured rock can aid you once you’ve enacted your steps to protect and rid yourself of threats. So threats to both your software and your hardware. So this stone helps recover from the disaster which has already occurred.
6: Any Geode
Abilities: bodily/physical strength
Areas: anything relating to the physical health of your computer.
Alternative stones you can use: Selenite or Hematite.
Good companions: jasper.
This is what it says on the tin. If you’re having any problems with hardware such as misaligned components or something being on the verge of breaking, send your computer some good vibes by placing a geode on it or near it. Also probably clean out the dust out of the fan while you’re at it. It is important to cultivate a healthy body for a healthy mind.
7: Garnet
Abilities: mental strength
Areas: anything relating to software or operating systems.
Alternative stones you can use: Honey Calcite or a rubber duck/any similar rubber bathing toy (though leaving this in the sun risks it bleaching).
Good companions: carnelian.
If you’re making your own OS, if you’re struggling with Arch, or if something soft isn’t working. Try something hard which is the garnet for any general-purpose strength and integrity relating to software. The software is the thoughts and the mind of your computer so it is important to take care of it. It will give a new lease on life as if you had just wiped everything.
8: Carnelian
Abilities: fortitude.
Areas: rendering, bottleneck, or anything else requiring fortitude.
Alternative stones you can use: any glass bottle (empty).
This fiery stone gives your device the strength to fight back and to maintain courage and steadfastness during times of stress, pressure, or adversity. So this might help with any projects which are being rendered or for computers struggling under the weight of rather heavy software which puts a lot of stress upon the device.
9: Turquoise
Abilities: flexibility and adaptability
Areas: anything relevant and laptops.
Alternative stones you can use: Amethyst or Amazonite.
This stone will be one of your stones in times of crisis, when something goes really wrong and you need to shift and adapt quickly. Or this can aid any portable devices or functions like the cloud or regular servers which allow you to keep on your toes 24/7 (during work hours only though).
10: Rose Quartz
Abilities: dependability
Areas: back-end equipment like servers or front-end equipment like websites.
Alternative stones you can use:
Good companions: Amethyst.
Everything is fun and games until the server is overworked and just gives up. The same goes for websites which are often the node where people interact with your project or product.
If anything doesn’t work (servers, sites etc), the problems caused can be anything from an inconvenience to a loss of profit to seriously dangerous (due to how much we rely on computers for everything). You have seen how the world crashed to a halt because Facebook was done.
And for safety reasons, I recommend that you do not forsake your backup generator for your Rose Quartz. Crystals are not a substitute for actual safety procedures and risk management. Please do not put people in danger.
Operating systems
You will notice that I don’t claim that these aid any specific area of your computer. But instead, these are just a general boost of good vibes for your operating system. Often we neglect mental health while we search for physical health, health for things that directly inconvenience us. So problems that already exist instead of general good health which might mitigate any bad vibes in the future.
Good companions will be things like Garnet or Carnelian.
Sunstone
Abilities: Linux.
Areas: anything related to Linux (including Chromebooks).
Alternative stones: Citrine, Snowflake Obsidian, or Lapis Lazuli.
Howlite
Abilities: Apple.
Areas: anything Macintosh.
Alternative stones: Turquoise, Jade or Pyrite.
Malachite
Abilities: Android.
Areas: anything Android.
Alternative stones: Serpentine, Emerald, or Jade.
Notes: Malachite is supposedly toxic.
Coral
Abilities: Microsoft.
Areas: anything Microsoft.
Alternative stones: Greywacke, Lapis Lazuli, Glass or Azurite.
Notes: please don’t buy coral and instead use stuff that’s washed up on the beach.
Sources
- Askinosie, H. (2020, August 30). A Beginner’s Healing Crystals Guide. Energy Muse. Retrieved March 18, 2022, from https://www.energymuse.com/blog/beginners-guide-to-healing-crystals
- Mazlish, E., & Faber, A. (2002). How to Talk So Kids Will Listen. Avon Books Inc.
